As football season is again descending upon us, let’s have a look at some churches’ interpretations of familiar football phrases.
BLITZ-The strategic play that takes place two seconds after closing prayer as everyone rushes for their favorite restaurant.
BLOCKING-Talking endlessly to the pastor at the church door and keeping everyone else from exiting.
COACH-The children’s Christmas program director.
ASSISTANT COACH-Every mother who has a kid in the children’s Christmas program.
DRAW PLAY-What many children (and a few adults) do with their bulletins during the service.
ILLEGAL MOTION-Leaving before the benediction.
INTERFERENCE-Talking during the organ prelude.
OFFSIDES-When an orchestra member accidentally walks into the choir room.
PASS INTERFERENCE-A parent moving between two teens in the pew to halt the flow of notes back and forth during the sermon.
QUARTERBACK SNEAK-How the pastor gets from the pulpit to the rear door during the benediction.
TIMEOUT-Refreshment time in the Fellowship Hall.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING-The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT-Usually takes place at a committee meeting to decide on the color of carpet or some other thing.
BENCHWARMER – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or do anything but sit.
BACKFIELD-IN-MOTION – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.
STAYING IN THE POCKET – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.
TRAP – You’re called on to pray and are asleep.