A favorite part of my newspaper career was writing feature stories during Thanksgiving and Christmas with the help of the younger elementary kids in our readership area. I picked an elementary class from a school within the district that one of our papers covered, set up a group interview with the teacher’s permission, and let the students tell me the story of the very first Thanksgiving, how to cook a turkey, or how Santa and his reindeer prepare for their annual trip around the world. The results? Hilarious reading for our subscribers.

This got me to thinking about how children view the Bible and the stories within, so I did some research on various sites, and came up with this list of their knowledge and wisdom of all things biblical. All are unedited and as they were written. Enjoy!

  • ­Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
  • The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
  • Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
  • When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
  • It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  • The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
  • One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  • In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
  • The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Isn’t it refreshing to read a child’s version of something?

By Sandi Austin

350 11th Avenue

Longmont, CO 80501


Phone: (303) 776-3523

Fax: (303) 776-3524

Pin It on Pinterest